Today is my mom’s birthday and I’m upstairs. I can’t stop thinking about him. Not sexually, no not at all. I just miss him. It’s been almost a month. I miss his arms around me. I miss the simple touch. The never ending smiles on either one of our faces. His cute laugh when I made a joke. My not so cute laugh when he made a joke. The never ending summer sun in the background. Or the beautiful night sky with the stars shining just for us two. I miss the sneakiness we had together. I miss the winks across the room that no one else saw. The super cute things he would say that would make my heart beat so fast I though it was going to jump right out of my chest. The night we spent together on different couches, because I said I wasn’t ready yet. But yet he stayed and watched me sleep. Making me breakfast the next morning. Watching the news together we were honestly in love. The moment when he cornered me into the sinks and said that he could see us living like this together forever and loving it. I said it then, “I love you.” You said it back. I meant every word of it, but did you? We’ve said it again and again this past month, but have you ever truly meant it like I meant it? Will you ever mean it like I mean it? Is this a game to you? I’m not having fun anymore. When we talk it’s on your terms when you choose to talk. I want you to WANT to talk to me not because you’re board. I know college life is completely changing you but what if I fell in love with the boy that isn’t even there any more. What happens then? Who wins? Do you? Do I? I want you so bad in every possible way but you seem like you’re fading away fast. If you dont’t want to be here any more walk away. But if you walk away please come back, because I love you and when I said I wanted you forever, I meant it.